Last day in the USA: Fright

Hi everyone! So with one full day left before my journey through airports and over oceans begins, I think the best phrase to describe my mental state is FREAKING OUT. My mind is moving a hundred miles a minute and overall I just feel very unprepared. People keep telling me about what a life-changing experience this trip going to be, and it’s freaking me out. I want to be prepared to make the most out of this semester abroad, but how do you prepare for something that is supposed to change the way that you look at the world forever?

I don’t know how to put this lightly, but I am absolutely not looking forward to the entire day of travel required for me to arrive in my new home. The trip will begin before the sun rises on Friday and include four flights and three different airlines.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about airplanes, and that, coupled with a few bad dreams, has left me absolutely TERRIFIED of flying. My latest train of thought on the subject goes something like this: Planes are really unnatural. They are so big and heavy, yet they fly through the air thousands of feet off the ground. And how do they do it? They don’t flap their wings, and they don’t jump. It’s unnatural and at this point, I’d rather walk.

I’ll try to stay positive: 24 hours of traveling to look forward to, woohoo! But I’ve started sweating the small stuff…like a lot. What if my flights get delayed? Or if my luggage is lost? And how do I break the ice with my host family? Will they even like me??

It’s really hitting me how many things I am going to have to learn as my stay in Sevilla unfolds. I am NOT comfortable with my Spanish skills (fluency in the language is very far off for me, and I haven’t even been in class for six weeks), and I’m also not used to big cities. I’ve never been in a taxi, train, or city bus before. How in the world am I going to manage to get around the city?? I’m worried about interacting with my host family and the people I meet, but also with just completing my homework assignments.

In addition, I’m doing a spectacular job of worrying myself about being away from home. I’m going to miss my mom, my cousin, my roommate, and my brother’s birthdays. I won’t get to cuddle with my dog for 103 days, and what if my friends and I are too busy to stay in contact the whole time? I know my personality is somewhat hard to forget, but I’m not too keen on taking the chance. Fear has also begun to creep in about more serious things. If, Heaven forbid, there is any type of family emergency while I’m abroad, I don’t know how quickly I will be able to get home. Prayers are going to be a daily event for sure.

For the past week I’ve been trying to cram almost every article of clothing I own into my suitcase, while my mom hovers around, telling me that I’m packing too much. The agitated banter between us is to the tune of “But mom, I’m a fashionista! I have to have options!” and her reminding me that “they have stores in Spain”. BUT, my mother has never been to Spain. How does she know? I better keep rearranging my suitcase and fitting things in, just to be safe 😉

So, all in all, I’m really psyching myself out at the moment. Basically I’m terrified (and no, I’m not the least bit dramatic). I am somewhat ashamed for my momentary lack of enthusiasm, because I really am grateful for the opportunities that are just around the corner for me. But the truth of the matter is this: it was a whole lot easier to agree to go on this trip in October, when three and a half months of homework, work, and holidays stood between myself and my date of departure. I’m sure that once I arrive in Sevilla, it will get better, but from where I’m standing now, I have a feeling that today and tomorrow are going to be rough.

Less than three weeks to go!

When I tell my friends, family and professors about my upcoming plans to study abroad in Seville, Spain for the winter 2014 semester, their first responses are usually exclamations of excitement and good-natured envy.  After the congratulations have been delivered, however, comes the claim “Your life is going to change forever”.  “That’s what I have heard,” I always respond with a smile, and quickly attempt to move the conversation along.  The truth is, I am terrified about my upcoming visit to Spain.  I like structure.  I like planning out my days.  In my eighth grade yearbook, I was voted “most likely to have my planner.”  I make color-coded checklists when I am doing homework or packing for trips, and methodically check off each task with joy in my heart over my impeccable organization.
However, underneath the organized, highlighter toting, straight A student, there is a part of me—deep down, mind you—who is grinning at the upcoming novelty of leaving my schedules and books behind to go visit a place my family and friends have never been to.  I’m excited about the opportunity to be spontaneous. What are my hopes for my time abroad? I hope I learn to dance.  I hope I get lost on some beautiful windy little street and trust myself enough to find my way back.  I hope I lose my planner (maybe for just a day or so).  I hope I try really good food.  I hope I meet strangers and talk to them in Spanish.  I hope that each night, I go to sleep with eyes that are a little wider than they were when I woke up.  So now, with 19 days until my journey begins, perhaps when people tell me that this experience is going to change my life forever, I should respond with “That’s the plan.”